BLEEDING HART'S

The whole reason why i had started this project or series at all was because i had (Redacted) ^because of the person i do not wish to say or type her name again^ had really hurt me mentally, she was the first person that i had actually liked being around and payed a lot of attention towards her just as a person (i had been locked up for a year or two and just came back) well we got to know each other cause in coincidence her house was directly next to mine (before she had moved, a little farther but still within walking distance) she was so nice in the beginning but she and i were facing problems, her parents are really strict towards her and starting to lash on me every now and again, i would just sit there not really saying anything but keeping that in mind, after this happened for about a month i asked see if i can walk her to school almost every morning (i set an alarm and take a shower, if she hadn't text me i'd usually call her to get up but she would always get up early because of her brother) after a little while i noticed another person started taking notice (he was a friend of mine at the time) now keep this in mind that i'd take her out when i barely had the money and occasionally took her with me to explore the town get to know it cause she had just moved to rawliins i enev bought her a speaker and a sweater for (which was expensive on my part, exact items were a fox hoodie, a jbl flip 4) overall we liked each other but i started getting jealous when i saw the person she was hanging around and i stopped talking to her for a day or two i remember going to a football event and after thats when i lashed a little bit telling her "do you hate me" and "if you like him go for him" i regreted saying that i hated myself ever since she then became very toxic torwards others, I ruined our relationship I made her feel bad and i hate myself for that and last I hurt her it's my fault and no matter what anybody says I hate myself for that i WILL never get over that but there was a lot on her side to she never really enjoyed the time we had she never showed her part that mask stayed on her for a long while and at the 8th month mark thats when she said "I am breaking up with you, you'll get over it" and blocked me from every account she made i was so outraged with myself i couldn't stop crying that night i woke up next morning and looked at my hands and felt like there was blood on them my whole middle of my chest hurt it felt like i was crucified backwards my hands and feet hurt along the pain in my chest

and i never told her "sorry for everything" about a week after that i started editing and making better videos (when i am not feeling great or motivated)

So please keep in mind that i have put so much work and effort into these videos please recognize im in a lot of pain myself and is tired of people pushing me around i just want time is all, so when im not posting take in mind that i am processing my reality